Will the Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?
by Zebeckras
Summary: Webfoot continuity, slightly newish story. Beth's habit of hanging around while Darkwing does his crimefighting thing finally has consequences... WEIRD consequences.
1. Chapter 1

Darkwing Duck: The Webfoot Weavings Will The Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?

* * *

Act I

The trees had leaves of bright green, so vibrant that they looked as if they were glowing. In the branches of one of the trees, a delicate birds' nest was perched. The occupants of the nest were not present, but several pale blue eggs were just barely visible inside. Below, the grass was neatly and evenly trimmed all across the yard, and its colour very closely duplicated that of the leaves on the trees. The sky was also bright, a brilliant shade of blue that seemed to nearly burn itself into your head when you looked at it. A few clouds were positioned here and there in the sky. It looked like a blissful spring day.

And then a dart hit the picture.

About fifteen feet away, Beth Webfoot was sitting in a chair and tossing small rubber suction darts at the photo taped up on her wall. Out of the ten or so that she'd thrown, only three had actually hit the picture, and none had hit her intended target. Beth narrowed her eyes and tossed another of the darts, aiming for the bird's nest in the tree. She missed yet again- testament to her lifelong visual problems.

Her phone rang, and she dropped all her darts and dove to answer it. She reached it just as the first ring ended, and then stopped and ran her fingers through her hair as if she could be seen over the telephone. Then she cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and picked up at the end of the second ring. "Hello?"

This routine was done for one simple, rather silly reason: Every time the phone rang, for a brief, split second, one thought ran through Beth's mind: "It could be Drake!" She knew it was stupid of her, to remain faithful to Drake Mallard when he not only didn't return her feelings, he had a girlfriend. A gorgeous girlfriend. Every time this routine was completed, she felt ashamed of herself, but nonetheless it was always performed.

"Hi, Beth!" As usual, the caller was Launchpad McQuack, not Drake Mallard. Beth told herself that she wasn't disappointed, but she knew perfectly well that deep down inside she wasn't feeling slightly empty because she'd skipped lunch. She also unwillingly remembered an odd dream she'd had a few weeks ago in which she'd had some sort of feelings for Launchpad. She hadn't known what to make of it at first, and so for a week after, she'd avoided him to keep from thinking about it. After a time, though, that just seemed to be making things worse, so she tried to talk to him about it but chickened out at the last moment. Then she'd decided it was just a dream, after all, and the effects of it would fade after awhile, so she'd tried to ignore it. Despite that, she was still having flashes of nervousness and guilt every once in a while when she talked to him. Launchpad, unaware of any of the warring feelings in Beth's mind, continued. "What'cha up to?"

"Hi, Launchpad! Nothing much. I'm tossing darts at a picture of my parents' back yard," she replied as casually as she could. "Still no bullseye, and I've been at it for nearly a half an hour."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Um...," said Launchpad after a moment, "why?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm just bored. You know, now that I think about it, it does seem kind of weird." She tore the photo down, wondering what she had been thinking. Sometimes you just got ideas for things to do that seemed normal enough at the time, but later... "So, what are you up to?"

"Aw, not much here either. Got some repairs to do around the house... Gos broke the toaster again."

"Again? As bad as the last time?"

"Not on the outside..." He chuckled.

Beth sighed. "Oh... Well, then I guess you can't drive me downtown to do some banking, then?"

Launchpad sounded disappointed. "Aw, no, I can't. But, Drake was just about togo out and run a few errands. Maybe, if you hurried over, you could go with him." There was no response. "Beth?" he said into the reciever, just as there was a knock on the door. Puzzled, he set the phone down and opened the door to reveal Beth, beaming and clutching her purse.

"You really think I could go with him?" she asked, grinning from ear to ear and still breathing hard from having rushed over. Launchpad smiled to himself. Even if she was still obsessed with Drake, she was just so darn cute.

Before he could answer, Drake came down the stairs, with Gosalyn hot on his heels. "No, you may not come along! You're _banned_ from the athletic's store! Don't tell me you forgot the Trampoline-and-Gatorade Incident?"

"Aw, come on, Dad! That was an honest mistake! Besides, they cleaned it up!" his daughter protested loudly.

Drake shot a glare over his shoulder. "Yeah, but it cost me nearly $200. These are very important errands that I have to run, and you are not coming! That's final!"

"Oh," said Beth, who was still standing at the front door, "I guess I shouldn't ask if I can go with you to the bank, then."

Drake looked her over for a moment. "Hm. Wellllll-- You might be handy to have along. But I have a lot of errands to run, so we have to go now!" he said, and he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her with him to the car.

"What?! She can go to the athletics store and I can't?" said Gosalyn in an offended tone. "There ain't no justice."

"But Drake, I don't have to go to the athletics store!" Beth said uselessly as they left. Launchpad waved as the car pulled out of the driveway.

* * *

For two and a half hours, Beth patiently accompanied Drake on all of his errands.

It wore on Beth's nerves just a little to have to keep uselessly going from one store to the next, but she relished the time that she got to spend with him, so she kept her mouth shut about it. Finally they were finished, and he reluctantly agreed to take her to the First National Bank.

"I can't believe you were going to go to Bindler's Hardware," said Beth to Drake as they waited in line for the teller. "I could never go into that place, not after the way I quit." She sighed, remembering how she had yelled at her boss as she'd stormed out. She didn't regret her words, not a bit. In fact, she wished that she could show that kind of backbone more often.

Drake flushed a little, knowing that he had seemed insensitive. "Well, it's nearby, and it's not too expensive. Besides, it's still the only place that carries double-plait bolts."

"That's because there was a manufacturer's recall on them. They're lousy. You're not supposed to use them any more. Trust me, crimple bolts are much more effective."

"I wish I'd known that a few months ago," he muttered to himself.

"I don't," said Beth. She forced herself to look calm as she said this, but inside her heart was beating double time. "If you'd known, you might have gone to another hardware store right away, and we might never have met."

Drake looked away awkwardly. "Uh, heh, yeah, well... " He laughed nervously. He hated it when she made that silly crush of hers obvious. Rather than let the conversation go further, he opted for a blatant change of subject. "Yeah, well, that's why I let you come along. You've got experience with hardware, so I knew you'd know what would be best." She beamed, and started to say something. He tried again. "Ah, heh, this line sure is moving slow." She nodded, still smiling at him adoringly. "Uh... nice weather we're having? Hey, look it's your turn, my feet hurt, I'm going to go sit down, see ya later." With that, he beat a hasty retreat.

"Oh," said Beth. She moved up to take her place.

The bank teller smiled routinely at her. "Good afternoon, I hope you're having a nice day. Thank you for banking with First National, and I hope we continue to meet all your banking needs. How may I help you?"

"Yes, hi, how are you," said Beth automatically as she took out her wallet. "I'd like-"

"All right, everybody be cool! This is a robbery!" yelled a shrill voice behind her. The entire bank broke into concerned mumbles at this.

Beth turned to see a young teenager in a Franklin Goosevelt mask holding a gun nervously at the crowd. From the sound of his voice, he couldn't have been more than seventeen, she thought. Quickly she glanced at where Drake had been sitting; he was gone. She breathed a little easier, and turned back to the teller. "So, as I was saying-"

The robber gave another shrill yell. "Hey!" He lifted his mask, revealing a sweaty, juvenile face. "_Hey_, I want your attention here!! Everybody down, on the ground, now! Or I start shooting, and- and then things'll get crazy!" Beth sighed; Darkwing was sure taking his sweet time right now. She joined the rest of the people in the bank in lying down on the floor.

Just as they were almost all the way down, she heard a loud whoosh followed by an even louder proclamation: "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE COMBINATION SAFE YOU'LL NEVER CRACK! I... AM DARKWIIIIIIING DUCK!" Beth couldn't help grinning... That was a new one, wasn't it?

The robber began looking around the bank nervously. "Oh man, oh man," he whimpered. "It wasn't supposed to go like this."

"Give up, villain! Or face the wrath of..." Darkwing stopped when he got a good look at the youthful robber. "Oh, brother. Don't tell me, you're from the Junior League of Supervillains?"

"D-don't come any closer, or I'll shoot! I will!!"

"Ooooooh, a gun. Gee, I've never seen one of _those_ before. Did your Mommy buy it for you?"

Beth rolled her eyes. _Stop taunting him and just disarm him already, Drake, would you?_ she thought.

"Uh- back up with your hands in the air, and- and- get down on the, uh, the floor..."

Darkwing sounded slightly incredulous. "You really have no idea what 'having the upper hand' means, do you?"

This was going nowhere, fast. Beth gathered her courage and decided to do something. Abruptly, she stood up. "Darkwing-"

The crook yelled and whirled to face her. The gun went off.

"NO!!" yelled Darkwing, and grabbed the robber just an instant too late.

Beth screamed.

The bullet, on the other hand, had no idea about its intended target and instead soared right over Beth's head, ricocheted off one of the metal bars on the teller's window, zipped across the room, hit the marble corner (and knocked a chip out of it), angled itself down to the ground, bounced back up to the ceiling, and then repeated the process as it crossed the room. The various bankers screamed and rolled out of its way to the best of their ability, and miraculously were all successful despite the fact everyone was rolling around in opposite directions and actually bumping into each other. Beth, Darkwing, and the bank robber watched the bullet's trajectory in fascination as it continued across the room, shot back up to the ceiling, ripped through most of the base of the security camera in the corner, and then came to rest snugly in the wall.

Darkwing blinked, and looked at the robber he had tackled.

The robber blinked, and looked at Darkwing. He grinned. "Uh... hi." Darkwing's expression was nowhere near so friendly.

Beth blinked, and then breathed a sigh of relief. She heard a creaking above her, but disregarded it. "Well, that was-"

Her sentence was then interrupted as the security camera lost its now-precarious balance completely and toppled onto her head. After a moment or two of standing in silence, she simply fell forward.

"Beth!" Darkwing sprang to his feet and ran toward her. Halfway there, he turned back the robber. "You stay there."

"Yes sir."

When he reached her, she was lying face down across two other bankers and showing no signs of consciousness. "Beth?" he said tentatively as he picked her up. She groaned. "Speak to me!"

Her eyes fluttered open and focused on him for a second. "Please insert twenty-five cents or ask your operator for assistance," she mumbled, and her eyes shut again.

* * *

"It looks like it hurts," said Launchpad.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't my fault," grumbled Darkwing. "_I_ sure didn't ask her to stand up in the middle of a robbery."

"Nobody said it was your fault, DW," Launchpad reassured him.

"Yeah, you're the one who keeps bringing it up, Dad. Launchpad just said it must hurt, and I bet he's right. Look at the size of that lump!" Gosalyn reached out a finger to poke at the swollen spot on Beth's forehead, but Darkwing swatted her hand away.

"Gosalyn, if it _looks_ like it hurts, then it probably _does_ hurt," he said as he covered Beth's forehead with a damp washcloth. "So why on _earth_ do you keep trying to poke it?!"

"I wanna see what it feels like!" she exclaimed. "And this is the best time to, 'cause she's not going to feel it right now!"

Launchpad sighed. "I wish she'd wake up," he murmured.

Gosalyn patted him on the back solemnly. "Don't worry, Launchpad. It takes time. Although, we _could_ see if anything happens when we poke her lump-"

"Gosalyn! _Out_!" ordered Darkwing. Gosalyn obediently - if one could call it that - stalked out of the room, and Darkwing breathed a sigh of relief. "It really wasn't my fault, you know," he said to Launchpad.

"I know," his sidekick said. "Stuff like this happens. An' she'll probably be fine, right? I mean, she hasn't been out that long, right?"

Darkwing checked his watch. "Fifteen minutes. She'll probably be waking up soon. We better keep an eye on her until then and make sure she doesn't have a concussion." Launchpad nodded. "You know, if she hadn't stood up-"

He was interrupted by a crash from downstairs. That was never a good sound. What made it worse was that it was followed immediately by another bad sound: the voice of his ten-year-old daughter, saying the most terrifying four words Drake Mallard had ever heard. "I'm cleaning it up!!"

Darkwing was little more than a purple streak as he ran out of the room. "Gosalyn, don't move anything until I get down there!!"

Alone in the room with Beth, Launchpad heard another crash. Gosalyn called, "Oops! Sorry!" Launchpad shrugged; what could he do? He turned his attention back to Beth.

Poor Beth. She had only wanted to help, he was sure. It was in her nature to help. She was so kind, so caring, so... helpful... So nice, and smart, and beautiful, sometimes he just wanted to take her in his arms, and-

Oops. Heh heh. He was getting off the subject.

"Uh... Beth?" he tried softly. She stirred, but didn't wake. Maybe if he shook her arm, or... The phrase, "Happily ever after" suddenly popped into his mind. Prince kisses Princess, Princess wakes up, instant happily-ever-after.

Well, no one was in the room... He could still hear Gosalyn and DW, downstairs, either arguing or cleaning up. Maybe both. It was now or never.

He was determined to ignore the ringing phone. Someone else would get it, right?

Right?

Gos and DW kept arguing in the living room. With a sigh, Launchpad got to his feet. He brushed the hair back from her forehead gently, and left to get the phone.

Alone in the room, she stirred again, blinked twice, and then sat up. She looked around. "...Hello?" she said, tentatively. No one answered. She could hear buzzing at the back of her head, although she could have sworn that it was coming from outside the room, perhaps downstairs. Probably in her imagination, though. She sat patiently, waiting for her head to clear.

It didn't. Slowly it dawned on her that this "not knowing who or where she was" business was not the normal way to start the day, and it occured to her that maybe she should be worried. She decided a walk was what she needed, to focus her mind, and so she swung her legs over the bed and stood up. She had that part down just right, so she decided to start moving her legs. That went well, too. Pleased with herself, she passed on down the hall towards the staircase.

She was surprised to find that the voices really were coming from downstairs, and not just in her head. A man and a girl were yelling at each other, although not too loudly. She wondered if this was a usual part of her life.

"No, get the bottom part!" said the man frantically. "Ow! _Ow_!! Get the _bottom_!"

"I've _got_ the bottom, Dad, just shift your grip!" said the girl. She sounded somewhat strained.

The man spoke again. "...Okay. Now walk this into the kitchen with me."

"Like I have a choice."

By the time she made it downstairs, they were gone. She regretted this; they might have been able to answer her questions. But, too late now. She left the house, and was pleased to find herself on a rather quaint little street in what must have been the heart of the suburbs. She smiled; what a lovely day! Oh well, amnesia or no amnesia, at least she'd get a good walk in. She started off down the sidewalk, humming to herself.

* * *

The picture that was hanging on the wall was sickeningly bright and happy. There were about three trees in the picture, with one big, ugly oak standing out in the foreground. The leaves on it were a color of green that was best comparable to radioactive waste. The blades of the grass on the lawn were nearly the same color- a little darker, maybe, but not by much. The grass was long, which was the only good thing about it- there could be anything hiding in that grass. Snakes, insects, sharp objects. The sky was also bright, bright blue, with nary a cloud in sight. It looked like a crayon box had thrown up.

Negaduck had only one purpose for this picture. He raised his left arm, which was holding a relatively dull knife, and aimed. Then he let the weapon fly, and got a bullseye on a knothole on the disgusting oak. The first knife was immediately followed by a shower of subsequent ones, some razor sharp, others as dull as butter knives. After he had run out of knives, Negaduck leaned back in his chair for a moment and glared around the room he was seated in. There was absolutely nothing left to do. The whole room was pretty wretched looking, since he'd been bored for a few hours now. "Stupid city," he muttered. "Nothing worth doing here."

He considered leaving for a little while, maybe taking a sort of vacation and terrorizing the locals in a place that didn't know of him yet, but he dropped the idea when he thought of what St. Canard might look like when he came back. Who knew what might be done to the place if he left now. He realized that he was remembering what the Friendly Four had done to his St. Canard before he had left the last time. He hadn't had time to fix it before getting stuck in the dimensional gateway, either. At the memory, he grit his teeth and his expression turned into a snarl.

This may not be his St. Canard, but he owed to Darkwing Duck to make it as close as he possibly could. Maybe, he thought, it was time for the city to have a little remodeling. He had an extensive arsenal of weapons that were perfect for just such a task. An evil grin spread across his face.


	2. Act II

Will The Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?

* * *

Act II

She was still walking. There was nothing better to do.

Her wallet was in her pocket, she found. This would come in handy! She pulled out her cards and examined them. So her name was Beth Webfoot... it didn't ring a bell. She shrugged, and took a look at her driver's license. ACK! Who had let that awful picture get by the front desk!? Weren't they supposed to keep humiliations like that from getting public? Oh, well. Beth put the cards back into her wallet, and stuffed her wallet back into her pocket. She wondered where she should go, then realized there didn't seem to be any point in trying to go anywhere, since she didn't know a single place in the city. Hmm... if only she had some sort of a purpose! Maybe, if she tried really hard, she could remember her job or something.

After several frustrating minutes of concentrating and coming up quite literally blank, she frowned. This was going nowhere. Maybe if she retraced her footsteps! Well, she had woken up about, oh, say, fifteen minutes ago.

That put an end to that.

Feh. If only she hadn't gone to that bank- She paused. AHA! A memory! A memory of... a bank. Well, duh. What was she _doing_ in that bank? With some effort, she remembered a bank robbery, a gunshot...

Of course!! It all made sense now, perfect sense! Beth Webfoot was a criminal mastermind! Grinning, Beth set off to find a bank and reclaim her true calling.

* * *

"Good afternoon, I hope you're having a nice day. Thank you for banking with First National, and I hope we continue to meet all your banking needs. How may I help you?" The teller behind the desk smiled her false smile at no one in particular. The young woman on the other side of the desk looked a little flustered, but rather even-tempered, and somehow strangely familiar. 

"Er... Well, give me a moment," said the young woman, smiling apologetically. "I've been injured recently, apparently, and I sort of forget how this goes."

Now the teller remembered this woman. She had been at the holdup earlier this afternoon! The teller smiled again, more genuinely. "You just take your time, my dear. Do you want to tell me how much you're interested in taking out?"

"Oh! Of course. Let's see, I'd like... oh... let's say about $100,000. That ought to do it."

"Certainly, ma'am! Now, you'll need to fill out one of our withdrawal slips here-"

The woman looked mildly surprised. "Withdrawal? Oh no. I'm robbing you."

The teller couldn't speak for a moment. She stared into the face of the young woman, who seemed completely serious and still quite innocuous. After a moment, she managed a laugh. "I- I see. I'm sorry though, miss, but I feel it's in rather poor taste to joke about that sort of thing, after we have had a robbery already earlier to-"

"I'm not joking." There was no mistaking the seriousness in the woman's voice, although she still seemed completely devoid of malice. "I'm holding you up. One hundred thousand dollars, please."

"...Excuse me one moment," said the teller. She smiled, and the young woman smiled back. With that, she ducked beneath her desk and dialed Security. "Filbert? We got another one. Yeah, I'll keep her occupied." She hung up the phone and stood up again. "They'll have your money along momentarily."

"Thank you!" said the young woman with a smile. She stood still and waited, humming softly and looking at the ground for a second or two, then looked back up at the teller. "So... do you like your job?"

"Actually I'm quitting tomorrow," she replied.

"Oh dear! Why?"

"Too many holdups."

The young woman looked genuinely abashed. "Oh, I am _so_ sorry!"

The door suddenly slammed open, as Filbert and his partner entered. "Freeze!" they shouted, pointing their guns at everyone in the room in a rather over-the-top display of machismo. "Okay, Lula, where's this robber?"

"Right there!" The teller pointed at the young woman, who looked surprised but not actually frightened.

"Do I get my money now?" she asked.

"Do you...?" Filber looked astonished. "You sure this is her?"

"_Yes_ I'm sure! Arrest her already!"

"She doesn't look like a bank robber," said Filbert's partner.

"Lula, I think you're just misunderstandin' this poor creature." Filbert put an arm around the young woman's shoulders.

"Uh, excuse me-" began the woman. Filbert made no more effort to listen to her than he had made to listen to the teller.

"Coming in just to do some banking, and suddenly getting accused of stealing- How much was it?"

"One hundred thousand dollars," said the woman, "but-"

"Accused of stealing $100,000, with no testimony to back her up except that of a teller who has spent a few too many sunny spring days behind that desk. Well, Lula, I hope you're proud of yourself!"

The woman tried one more time. "But I really _am_-"

"No!" cried Filbert. His partner and the teller were all watching him bemusedly by this point. "No need for words, my friend. Lula, get her her money."

"Filbert, you really might want to think this through-"

"Lula, if she's a bank robber, I'm Nana Peel."

The teller sighed and retrieved the requested amount of money.

"There you go, steady customer. And remember to keep banking with us!" He gave the woman a pat on the back as she left, her arms full of sacks of bills. He even went so far to wave before the teller interrupted him.

"The cameras will show you her confession, Mrs. Peel. Do you want to avenge her now, or later?" Filbert stopped waving.

* * *

Beth couldn't believe her luck! $100,000 just handed to her! She must be _really_ good at this criminal thing- much better than she thought! Her talent evidently came naturally, since she sure didn't feel like she knew what she was doing in there. Oh well, it worked all right! Why, she was probably right up there in the same ranks as... some really dangerous criminals. 

For some reason all the names of dangerous criminals escaped her, although she did remember that most of them used phony supervillain names and not their real names. She wasn't sure why that was, but it got her wondering whether, perhaps, she might have a supervillain name? Nothing came to mind, but it would make sense if she did. Something really evil. Oh, that would be so much fun! In fact... she might even be a part of a team! She shuddered with delight at the thought.

As soon as she could find a nice place to stash this... er, "loot", she decided, she would go seek out other criminals to join up in a team with her- if she wasn't in one already! In a way, Beth was surprised that she lived such an exciting life. To look at her picture, you'd think she was really boring.

She was so happy walking down the street that it took some effort not to skip.

* * *

"Gosalyn, correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't I distinctly say _never to touch that lamp_?!?" 

"You didn't say _never_," Gosalyn argued emphatically. "Besides, I've been telling you for months now that you should put it someplace else if you like it so much!"

"Someplace else!? I'll put it wherever I like, little missy. This is _my_ house, after all!"

Launchpad sighed and shifted. "Well, DW, maybe you could- y'know- make it 'Gosalyn-proof' or somethin'," he said.

Darkwing turned and addressed him. "_Nothing_ is Gosalyn-proof," he said dryly.

"Darn straight," agreed Gosalyn smugly.

Launchpad had to grin at that. Much as he disliked these arguments, Gos and DW usually worked it out themselves eventually so there was no need for him to play peacemaker. So normally he didn't bother, but this time he was afraid the noise would disturb Beth. Say... "Hey, guys, what about Beth?"

This put a definite end to the argument. However, as they ran up the stairs, Launchpad didn't find any solace from his worry in that fact. He had a bad feeling...

Sure enough, the bedroom was empty.

The occupants in the room went into something of a panic. "Now, it might be okay, she could be in the kitchen getting some water or something..."

"Did anyone check the bathroom?"

"What'll we tell her family?"

"It's not my fault!!!"

After about five minutes of this, they straightened themselves out and Darkwing took control of the situation. "She can't have gotten far. In fact she might even be in the house, so maybe we should all stay here and look around. Or maybe we should go to her house, she might be there. But if she _is_ outside someplace- but then, she would have told us if she were going anywhere..." He shook his head rapidly. "Okay, I'm okay now. Launchpad, you and I are going to go out and look for her."

"And what about me?? I just get to sit at home and wonder?" demanded Gosalyn anxiously.

"Of course not!" She looked mollified until Darkwing added, "You stay here and make sure she's not still in the house someplace."

"_What_!? This sounds like another 'Stay out of trouble, Gos' ploy! C'mon, Dad, if she were still here we'd know!"

Darkwing pointed a finger at her. "That's not true! There are plenty of places in this house to hide if you really put your mind to it, and I bet you know all of them!"

Gosalyn considered this. "Well, most of them, yeah."

"So you're staying."

"Not by my choice."

"By order."

"Right."

"It's settled then."

Launchpad looked back and forth from one to the other, completely lost.

* * *

"I shouldn't'a gone to get the phone," said Launchpad morosely from the sidecar. 

"Well, no, probably not," said Darkwing, still eager to divert any blame from himself. He regretted his words right away, however, as his sidekick's shoulders slumped. "But we all make mistakes, LP! Even I do, on occasion." And sometimes, he added silently, they can cost you something you didn't even realize was dear to you. "But you can't just keep beating up on yourself, you have to get past them! Buck up, pal, we'll find her."

"Ya really think so?" asked Launchpad, a smile forming faintly on his face.

"Of course," Darkwing said, then turned to face the road as the Ratcatcher sped down it. Nothing wrong with a little exaggeration every now and then, he told himself. He hadn't exactly been _lying_- he was pretty sure they'd find Beth. Just... not 100 sure.

The slightly uneasy silence broke when the Ratcatcher's radio crackled to life. "Calling all units! Robbery at the St. Canard First National Bank-" Darkwing switched the radio off.

"You're not gonna get that, DW?"

Darkwing shook his head. This whole thing had happened because he'd ignored Beth in favour of a robbery. Not a second time. "No, they can handle it without me. This is more important."

Launchpad smiled. "Thanks, DW," he said. He wondered if Beth would ever find out how worried about her DW really was. He knew it would make her happy. He'd have to tell her when they found her, even if Darkwing denied it.

The duo sped down the streets, bypassing the St. Canard First National Bank completely, and thus missing the nondescript, slightly bookish brown-haired duck who walked down the street trying to fit $100,000 into her pockets- the same nondescript, slightly bookish brown-haired duck they were searching for.

As it happened, not only did Darkwing pass her by, but so did the police who passed her in the street on their way to catch the criminals. When they were later asked about this mistake, they sheepishly gave answers along the lines of "I just didn't think she could rob a bank!" and "She doesn't _look_ like a criminal!" The mistakenly-arrested banker was released later in the week after it was determined that he was definitely unrelated to the actual robber. In recompense for his imprisonment, he was given a peppermint lollipop in the shape of a policeman's badge. The lawsuits are still in negotiation.

* * *

Gosalyn switched off the TV with an exasperated sigh. An hour and a half now, and not only was Beth not here, not only had she not come back, but Gosalyn was feeling exceedingly useless. Her father obviously had NO confidence in her whatsoever, or else he would have let her come along! Did he think she wasn't going to take this seriously? _Beth was **my** friend long before she was friends with either of them!_ she thought, frustrated. 

She made up her mind suddenly to go out and look for Beth on her own. After all, three pairs of eyes on the lookout were better than two! And this way she'd be able to look for Beth in places where her father wasn't! Especially since she'd have to avoid him like the plague to keep from getting in trouble. Oh, well! Boy would he feel dumb when she found Beth and he had to apologize! She started forming a script for him in her head as she left.

* * *

A very short while later, Negaduck was roaming the streets of the city with every intention of blowing up a building. This, he hoped, would tide him over until he could think of something _really_ destructive to do. For the moment, though, he couldn't bring himself to just take out any building at random. He looked up and down the street he was on. It had to be big enough to make a big mess and to draw a lot of attention, but small enough so that the remnants of the building didn't hit him from where he was standing. And, of course, if it happened to have people in it... Negaduck grinned to himself as his attention was caught by a medium-sized building- about five stories high- that had a woman standing on the roof of it. "Perfect, baby... Don't move," he said softly, and took out a missile launcher. But there was something odd about her... it was like he... recognized her. 

That changed things. If he knew the woman on top of the roof, he couldn't just kill her-- He'd have to go rub her face in it first! This evening was turning out to be pretty good, after all, he thought as he made his way to the building she was standing on.

* * *

Beth squinted into the sunset, lost in thought. She'd evaded the "fuzz" (although she thought that was an awfully silly word, and giggled every time she thought it- it made her think of dryer lint), although she hadn't had any other place to put the money so she'd deposited it to her bank account. Thank goodness she'd had the forethought to go to a different branch! Most likely everyone at her own branch of her bank was looking for her. Fortunately, no one seemed to think to look on the top of buildings lately, so she was perfectly happy up there. Except, of course, that she was awfully lonely... Where were the other supervillains? Why hadn't they come to get her yet?? It all made her wonder if she even had any real friends. Hmph. 

And why hadn't she seen any yet? She'd been in all the perfect places, skulking. That was what criminals did, after all. They skulked, in the shadows and on rooftops and things. She had figured that this would be the perfect place to meet one, but no such luck! Maybe she was supposed to wait until after dark. Ooh, but that wasn't safe, there were all sorts of unsavory types out then- Oh yeah. Yeah, she could wait until after dark, then.

Someone behind her said "Liz?" in a low, gravelly tone.

She turned around, confused. "Have we met?"

Negaduck stared back at her. From the back and far away, she had looked a lot like Liz Webfoot from his world, although he'd only met her twice. Oh, sure, the hair colour didn't match, but he'd always known that Liz bleached her hair to get that cheap blonde shade. But now, seeing her up close, it was strange- totally different. She had the same basic features as Liz, but... she was so flamin' innocent! This version of Liz was some kind of a dork!! "You might say that," he answered her, watching her warily.

With that, she opened her mouth and her whole life story came pouring out. Negaduck nearly shot himself midway through. "Well, the reason I ask, see, is because my name is actually _Beth_, not Liz, even though they're both short for Elizabeth. Although maybe I'm not supposed to tell you that, because supervillains are supposed to have special names, aren't they? I can't remember mine- in fact, I can't really remember much of anything, so-"

He interrupted her, stunned. "Wait wait wait. Supervillain? You think _you're_ a _supervillain_?!"

To his surprise, she smiled. "Oh yes! Sure am. I'm looking for others, though, I want to form a team. But there aren't any around. I guess I'm in the wrong area, or something, or maybe I'm the only one in St. Canard. That _would_ explain why robbing that bank was so easy..."

"Nope," he said casually. "You're looking at the top public enemy, the most dangerous criminal in St. Canard."

"I thought I heard somewhere that was Dr. Slug!"

He turned red. "_Well that was a lie_!!" he snapped. "It's _me_!! Negaduck!!!"

"Oh." She stared at him for a few moments. "You're not what I was expecting at all," she said.

The next thing she knew, a pair of bloodshot eyes were boring into hers. She was bent at an angle as he had grabbed her collar and pulled her down to his level. "Now you listen to me," he snarled in a low voice. "Appearances can be deadly deceiving. _I am St. Canard's worst nightmare, and you had better make nice around me or you'll end up a smear on the pavement._ Got me?"

"Got you," she managed, her voice hoarse. She couldn't remember ever having been so scared in her life, although that wasn't saying much. As she stared back into his fearsomely angry eyes, however, a thrill went through her. If this was the most dangerous villain in St. Canard, he must know plenty about terrorizing people and doing villainly stuff! Who better to teach her what to do? The thrill and the fear battled for dominance with her, but stayed about even.

Negaduck let go of her collar, and took a casual attitude toward her. "Fine," he said haughtily. "'Bout time."

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. I can't remember things very well lately. Don't take it personally." He mumbled something, irritably. Beth realized she was losing her chance. "Um, hey, I have a great idea! Let's team up!"

"In your dreams," was his reply. "I got _no_ need for amateurs, and especially incompetant ones."

"Wait! You don't even know me, how do you know I'm incompetant?"

He smirked at her. "You're standing here in civvies and giving out your real name to total strangers, and claiming to be a supervillain, to start with. I mean, really! Looking at you I don't think you could even jaywalk if you set your mind to it."

Beth found herself blinking back tears. "W-well... I _try_ to do my best... I mean, it's not my fault I got hit on the head, but I guess if I'm incompetant that's all there is to it..."

Negaduck groaned. "Give me a _break_..." Time to get out of here while the getting was good. He'd be tempted to shoot himself again if he stuck around here much longer.

She went on whining as he walked away. "I guess a person like me won't have any friends no matter where I go. Even when I helped whats-his-name beat Moliarty, he still didn't want me around, so I guess it's j-just m-me..." She trailed off into sniffles.

Hold it. Helped 'whats-his-name'? Defeat _Moliarty_? Was this broad a friend of Dipwing's? "Helped _who_ defeat Moliarty?!" he said suddenly, whirling to face her.

She looked startled. "Wh... What? What are you talking about?"

Genuine confusion. Figures... stupid broad, couldn't she be of _any_ use to him at all!? She had said something about having lost her memory, though, right? Maybe she was an amnesiac friend of Darkwing's. Of course- that would make sense, since Liz was always trying to hang on to him in the Negaverse... This Webfoot was a Darkwing wannabe! Except she didn't remember, and thought she was some kind of supervillain! Oh, this was rich. This was too perfect! Time to change plans. "Never mind, kid. Y'know, your story has touched my heart. Maybe I can do with a protégé after all... If you're still interested."

Her face lit up with enthusiasm. "Oh, you _bet_ I am!" she cried.

Sheesh... What a head case. He forced himself to grin. "C'mon, I'll... give you a refresher course on being a villain! Stick with me, kid, and I'll give you a lesson you'll _never_ forget."

"Oh, thank you, Negaduck! You won't regret this, I promise you!" She skipped to catch up with him, and actually clapped her hands with excitement. Negaduck struggled to hide his disgust.

"No, I'm sure I won't." _If you only knew..._

As they walked away, she peered closely at him and asked, "There's so much I've forgotten about this business. I thought the point of dressing as a supervillain was _not_ to be seen, but judging by your outfit I was wrong! I mean, I understand the red and black, but bright yellow?" She reached over and fingered his lapel, without hesitation.

"HEY!" he said, smacking her hand away. "What's wrong with my outfit?! This is haute fashion in the Negaverse! You just don't appreciate it!"

"... The Negaverse? Is that some kind of a criminals' nightclub?"

Negaduck didn't bother to suppress his groan.

* * *

He couldn't quite decide what was the most irritating thing about her, but right now her incessant babbling was vying for first place. She had barely stopped speaking once since they'd left for his hideout... and that included the point when he'd explained to her- slowly- that the police were just around the corner and she'd have to shut up if she didn't want to get caught. 

Ten minutes after she'd squealed about how exciting this was, they'd finally lost the cops.

Negaduck slammed the door to his hideout open and stalked in. Beth followed him at a distance, trying to take in everything at once. "Wow," he heard her whisper in awe, "this place sure is... dark. Is there a light switch in here anywhere?"

Ignoring her, Negaduck looked around for a rope or a sash or _anything_ to tie her up with. Nothing in his main room. "Stay here," he said gruffly, and went into the small room near the front of the building that had once been the manager's office to the abandoned factory Negaduck had co-opted. In the office he immediately found a few chains, but decided she wasn't worth that kind of effort. The weight would probably snap her wrists anyway. He dug under a few automatic weapons, and then found a length of rope buried underneath a chainsaw.

When he returned to the main room, she wasn't there. He swore loudly and looked around- where could she have gone? This had been the production area of the factory. He ran to the stockroom in the back- it was locked, from the outside. That answered that. Where else? Aw, geez, if she was upstairs in his bedroom... He bolted for the stairs.

She was poking through a pile of clothes when he found her. "Oh, Negaduck!" she said cheerfully, and gave him a winsome smile. "I think this turtleneck suits me, don't you?"

Negaduck plodded towards her, arms outstretched, hands waiting to close around her throat. She seemed completely unfazed. Just before his shaking hands strangled her, he regained control of his temper again and laid his hands on her shoulders. "What... do you think you're _doing_?!?"

"Well, I know that supervillains are supposed to have costumes, like yours, and since I can't seem to remember where mine is, I'm borrowing some of yours. Is that okay?"

"No-"

"And I think my name should be something cool," she went on, apparently without having heard him. "You know, like... 'Nightwing'. Isn't that one cool?"

He again fought down the urge to squeeze her shoulders until they snapped. "Don't quit your day job."

"Oh," she said quietly. "Well, I'll think of something. So when are we going to go do some crime stuff?"

"We're not," he said with a shudder, letting go of her shoulders.

Beth paused before answering him. "...Oh. Maybe later then?"

He grit his teeth. "No! We are not going to do 'crime stuff' later, or ever! So shut up before I forget that you're worth something to me!!" He began to stalk quickly out of the room.

"Um... where are you-"

"To be alone!" he snapped. "So I can think clearly, for _once_ since I met you!"

He was gone as quickly as he had come in. Beth sat still for a moment, wondering what that "worth something" line had meant... Was he- were they...? Well, what else could all that have been about?

* * *

Downstairs, Negaduck paced. She was turning out to be more trouble than she was worth. The sooner he let Darkwing know that he had her, the better. So how to do it? Just a note was so mundane, it was beneath him. What was the best way to cause anguish and humiliation? Maybe he could tie her to a flagpole and shine a spotlight on her... nah, too public, gives him too much of a chance to be heroic. He'd just lure him here, and use the machinery available on him. So, how to get him here? Write a message with an airplane, big neon sign, television commercial... Hey, that sounded good. He hadn't taken over the TV studio in a while! Sounded like a plan. 

He grinned, and was about to set off to advertise his hostage when he noticed the length of rope in the corner. He'd forgotten to tie her up again!

He ran back upstairs, and for the second time that day discovered that she was gone. But he hadn't seen her come downstairs! She had to be up here somewhere! How could one dippy broad be so much trouble?!

Spotting a note in the corner, he snatched it up and read it. "Dear Negaduck, I've gone out to be a criminal and do what comes naturally. Love, Beth (name pending)".

Negaduck screamed.


	3. Act III

Will the Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?

* * *

Act III

Darkwing was exhausted. It had been four hours since they'd set out to look for Beth, and it was now past nine pm. They'd had no luck all day long. Launchpad was getting pretty upset, and had at one point seemed to be developing some sort of a nervous tick. It had turned out that he'd gotten a rock in his boot, but somehow a nervous tick would have been appropriate for the situation so Darkwing chalked it up to the occasion anyway.

Launchpad had stopped in at Pizza Pierre's for a quick bite to eat, and Darkwing was keeping an eye out for Beth on his own. He was actually surprised that Launchpad still had an appetite, considering how agitated he was; Darkwing's own appetite had all but disappeared.

The night air was cool. In fact, it was cold. It was supposed to be spring, what was with these forty-degree nights? Darkwing wondered. He shivered a little. He looked over at the Rat Catcher, which was parked on the street a few feet away. Maybe if he cruised around for a while, he'd find some-- Wait. Was that movement near the entrance to the St. Canard plaza? It was! Someone had just broken into one of the stores!

He considered waiting for Launchpad, then decided against it. It would take too long, and this was just one person- it should be a snap. Ah, the duties of a vigilante!

Beth jiggled the handle on the door to Mary Widdow's Bridal Shop. It was locked. She tried turning it in the other direction and got the same results. "Darn!" she said. She thought hard, and wondered if maybe the other stores in the mall had doors that were unlocked. Why had she waited so long? She should have gone earlier, while it was still light out, and then all the shops would have been open! Besides, she wanted to rob this one. She hoped that a few little "hints" might get somewhere with Negaduck.

"Let's see now," she murmured to herself. "Maybe if I pull the door towards me while I turn the knob... No, that doesn't work. Oh, dear... I'm going to have to do something drastic, aren't I?" She looked at the plate glass in the large window of the store, and tapped on it gently. Then she looked around the rest of the plaza for something big and heavy. Setting her teeth, she lugged a trash can over to the window, hefted it as high as she could, and then swung it to the window. It bounced off gently and slipped out of her fingers to the ground.

"DARN IT!!!" she yelled, and kicked it as hard as she could. It flew up into the window, shattering it and setting off numerous alarms. She looked surprised, then smiled. "Well, that was good!"

Beth climbed in through the shattered window, shielding herself from remaining glass fragments with the cape she had borrowed from Negaduck. It was funny that she had found this purple one, since Negaduck actually wore a black one! Oh, well, maybe he kept a change of clothes.

She was dismayed to find, upon entry, that nearly everything of value within the store was also enclosed in glass. "Oh dear. I guess I'll need that trash can again," she said. Just then a hand came down hard upon her shoulder. She screamed and spun around to face the person behind her.

The figure clamped a hand over her bill. "_Shut up_!" he hissed. Her eyes widened as she recognized him. Negaduck! "You're gonna get in _big_ trouble at this rate, you flamin' amateur! With the number of alarms you set off you probably got half the cops in the city coming for you, and- What the heck are you _wearing_?!"

She flushed. As he let go of her bill she said, "I found this cape and mask and turtleneck in your room. I think the turtleneck is especially becoming on me, don't you?"

Negaduck shook his head and muttered something she couldn't hear over the alarms. He grabbed her arm. "C'mon, we gotta get out of her before you get yourself in trouble."

Overcome with emotion, Beth flung her arms around him and hugged him. "Oh, Negaduck, you're coming to my rescue! You're my knight in shining armour!" Negaduck froze, his entire body tense.

"Gheck- get _off_ me-" he said. Before either one could move, a whooshing noise filled the air and the already-dark room was further obscured by a puff of blue smoke.

"I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE RASH LEFT ON YOUR FINGER FROM A CHEAP WEDDING RING! I... AM DARKWIIIIING DUCK!" Negaduck groaned, then did it again even louder when Beth squealed and clung to him tighter.

Darkwing peered at them both. The woman looked like she might have been familiar, but she was half-hiding behind the man, and Darkwing couldn't think of any female criminals that he knew of. Most of her face was covered with a black mask. He looked at the man, then blinked and looked again. "Negaduck?! Why the heck are you robbing a bridal shop?" He was pretty sure that Negaduck let out a low growl at that question. Darkwing couldn't resist baiting him a little bit more. "And who's your new girlfriend?" he asked with a snide grin.

With that, Negaduck broke free of the woman's embrace. "SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU IDIOT!!! Yeesh! As if I'd have something so pathetic in the first place!" He seemed genuinely offended. Behind him, Beth let out a small sniff and frowned.

"Well, I don't know, you two seemed awfully close," teased Darkwing. Unfortunately for him, this was the straw that broke Negaduck's back. The machine gun came out instantly.

"AW, SHADDUP!!" shouted Negaduck. Darkwing darted out of line with the weapon, and Negaduck took the opportunity to turn to his unwitting hostage. "Get out of here! Now!" he hissed.

"But I want to fight!" she whispered back. She'd barely gotten a look at that 'Darkthing Duck' guy, and something about him seemed really intriguing. She wanted to know more, but Negaduck pushed her back.

"No! Get lost! Go back to the hideout!" This was way too sloppy. If she stayed out much longer, Darkwing would realize she was his friend and get her back without a fight! Well, without the fight he wanted, in any case. Briefly he considered revealing the ditz's identity right now, but decided against the idea. It had to be his way, under his terms. He shoved her shoulder, and she got the hint and started running for the back door to the shop.

Darkwing risked a look up from behind the counter he was using for cover. Negaduck was just talking to the woman; he had a shot now! He brought up his gas gun and fired, aiming for the woman- who had started running- instead of for Negaduck. The gas canister hit the ground directly to her left, and she screamed a hauntingly familiar scream as it exploded and started filling the store.

Negaduck groaned. "Aw, man, can't you do _anything_ right?!"

The woman was incapacitated in a fit of coughing. Having taken out Negaduck's partner, Darkwing now decided to go for Negaduck. He jumped to his feet, placed his hands on the counter, and pushed off into the air. He flipped over Negaduck's head and said, "Surprise!"

Negaduck ducked in time to evade Darkwing's punch, but stumbled as he tried to get back to his feet. Having that dame around really tripped him up- he was totally off-balance, and Darkwing had managed to get the upper hand! He reached out blindly and grabbed whatever he could find to use as a weapon; when he checked to see what his hand had closed around, he winced. A bridal veil. Wonderful. Putting it to the best use he could think of, he flung it over Darkwing's head. Pausing to glance in Beth's direction, he saw that she was most of the way recovered from the gas. Near her was a large vase. He signaled to her. "Get the vase! Get it and hit him!" he shouted. She nodded.

"Oh, no you don't!" cried Darkwing, unfortunately failing to fling the veil off of his head in a dramatic manner. He struggled a little bit longer, brushed it off, and made a lunge for Negaduck. Negaduck grappled with him for a few moments, and stopped only when a large and heavy object crashed down over his head. "Oops!!" he heard as he fell, stunned, and his hatred of her grew in leaps and bounds. Darkwing stopped short, a little surprised by the turn of events, and stared at Negaduck where he lay on the ground. "Uh..." he said, turning to the woman who had knocked out her 'partner'. "Thanks, I guess-"

She gasped, and before he really noticed it she had reached out and pulled the brim of his hat down over his eyes. Then, frantic, she looked around for something to hit him with. Finding only shards of the vase she had hit Negaduck with, she whimpered a little and ran behind a counter. There was a wastebasket back there, which she proceeded to pick up and place over Darkwing's head as he struggled to remove his hat. Then she hit the wastebasket as hard as she could, which to her surprise was hard enough to knock him over.

"Come on, Negaduck!" she exclaimed, and picked him up from the ground.

He was conscious enough to glare at her and mumble, "You are so dead."

"I'm sorry!" she said as she ran for the back door. "You both wear the same kinds of hats, and you're the same height, and well actually, come to think of it, you both look exactly alike in a lot of ways, so-"

"Shut up while you're ahead," he said half-heartedly. She laughed nervously and obliged him, and shortly they were out of the area.

Darkwing pushed his way out of the wastebasket, crossed his arms sullenly and considered. He _hated_ it when the bad guys got away!! But they couldn't have gotten too far... He could still catch them, probably. And if nothing else, he could search all the empty factories in St. Canard- Negaduck almost always used one of them as a hideout. Still, there were an awful lot of abandoned factories in the city; Darkwing sometimes wondered if any other city had quite so many, but what did it really matter? If he had to search them all it could well turn into an all night job, and that meant he'd have to give up on finding Beth for the night.

No. He just couldn't. He owed it to her, not to mention to Launchpad, to find her. Negaduck would most likely not give up on his current crime spree yet; Darkwing would certainly have numerous other chances to catch him soon enough. Find Beth now. The poor woman was in even more danger than he'd thought at first, what with Negaduck wandering around out there. He shuddered. At least Gosalyn was safe at home...

* * *

Gosalyn was starting to wish she were safe at home. Not that she was afraid of being out after dark, but heck, at least she'd be comfortable and maybe be able to find something good on TV! Beth was a lot harder to find than she'd thought. At first she'd just thought that she'd recognize Beth right away, get her, and go home. But the city was huge, and when someone got lost, it was a lot easier for them to stay lost than it was in, say, school before science class. 

It had been well over two hours since she'd started looking for her friend. Granted, she'd been sidetracked at the video arcade for about fifteen minutes there, but that shouldn't really interfere with her progress in the long run, right? Besides, that arcade had been dark. If Beth had been in there, it probably would have taken Gosalyn about fifteen minutes anyway to find her. And who knows, maybe Beth would have come to that game of 'Carbon-Based Life Forms Invasion!" Gosalyn was playing. She had just as much chance at finding Beth that way! More, in fact, since she'd been in one place for a good amount of time! Yeah, that was it.

But in any case, the point was that no one seemed to have seen Beth. Gosalyn was starting to get frustrated and, to be honest, a little cranky. She picked what seemed to her to be the most likely place for Beth to be on this street, and went to ask the ticket-seller at the front booth the fifty million dollar question. "Have you seen -"

The ticket-seller looked over the edge of the booth and peered down at Gosalyn. "You have to be at least 17 to see this movie," she said matter-of-factly. "It's very violent."

"That's not what I'm asking about!" said Gosalyn, exasperated. "Besides, I've seen it twice already. No, I just want to know if you've seen a woman, about this tall-" she held her arm up about as far as she could stretch it. It might have been shorter than Beth, or taller, for all she knew. She didn't really care anymore- this search was turning out to be a total waste of time. "She has brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, umm... She looks like she's kind of boring, but sometimes she talks a lot about nothing."

The ticket-seller 'hmmmm'd thoughtfully, and rolled her eyes in thought. "You know, I think I did see someone who looked like that!" she said.

Gosalyn could barely contain her happiness. "You did?!"

The ticket-seller nodded. "It was last Wednesday, I think. Or maybe Thursday. She was buying flowers across the street, and-"

"You haven't seen her since then?" Gosalyn asked, her spirit deflating. The ticket-seller shook her head. Gosalyn sighed. "Oh. Figures." She trudged off morosely. Maybe it was just time to give up and go home. After all, it was getting stupid! The only other person who had seen someone who fit Beth's description had turned out to be remembering a mannequin!

Gosalyn looked up as two figures darted by into an alleyway. She hadn't really seen them, just caught their movement out of the corner of her eye. She hung her head again, then stopped when she heard a female voice say, "Ow! I think I got a rock stuck in my shoe!"

Only one person could duck into an alleyway and make that much noise. Gosalyn ran as quietly as she could to the alleyway and peered around it. The figures seemed to both be dressed similarly, and it looked like one was a guy and one was a girl. The girl was hopping on one foot, evidently trying to take her shoe off, while the guy watched with contempt. Gosalyn didn't need infrared vision to recognize the guy as Negaduck. She frowned- in that case, it couldn't be Beth. Beth would never be with Negaduck! She'd probably have a heart attack as soon as he pulled out one of his machine guns.

"Will you hurry up!?" snarled Negaduck. "Just leave it!"

Squinting at the female figure, Gosalyn tried to figure out if she knew who it was. Maybe, she thought with a grin, Negaduck got married. She never would have had him pegged for a ladies' man, but evidently there were some weirdos out there who thought he was husband material. Gross!

"Sorry, Negaduck-" said the woman, her voice unsteady as she continued hopping on one foot. "I've almost got it-"

"Worry about it later, ya dumb broad. We gotta get out of here!"

"But I can't run with it in-" She was cut off as Negaduck grabbed her by the arm and they started running again.

On a hunch, Gosalyn followed them. The voice was too familiar, as was the slightly klutzy way that the woman was running. Of course, it could have just been the rock in her shoe, but- she had to find out.

"Are you nuts!?!!? What were you trying to pull!? You could have ruined everything!"

Beth cringed at Negaduck's shouts. "I know, I know," she kept saying quietly.

It just irritated Negaduck even more. "If you knew, why did you _do_ it!?"

"I didn't know at the time!" she whimpered. "I was only trying to-"

"Yeah, well _knock it off_!!" he snarled. "Don't try to do _anything_! You and I are not partners, we are not ... going out," he suppressed a shudder, "and I don't even want to _know_ you any longer than I have to!!"

She stared at him, tears in her eyes. "Are you- are you breaking up with me?" she whispered.

Negaduck restrained himself, just barely. "No, you idiot. I only _wish_ I were breaking you up," he muttered. "There's nothing to break up! Man, I gotta get out of here. If I stay in the same place as you for much longer I'm gonna bust something important inside me."

Awkwardly, Beth put forward, "Well, you... you do look awfully flushed..."

"Shuddup." He paced frantically, feeling a distinct need to destroy something. _Yeah, **her**,_ he thought. He shook himself. As satisfying as it would be to frag her right now, it would be that much sweeter with Darkwing Dope watching. He turned to her rigidly. "Okay. Don't- go- _anywhere_ until I get back, got me? I'll be back soon, but if you so much as leave this room, you're going to be losing pinkies." She cowed, her eyes wide. Still not completely satisfied that she'd be certain to obey him, he stared at her for a second more. She looked back, obviously frightened.

"Wh-what is it..?" she said softly as he came closer to her and reached for her face. Swiftly, before she could duck, he snatched the glasses from her face.

"Yoink!" he said smugly. "That oughta keep you out of trouble."

"Hey! I need those to see!" she cried, dismayed.

"Exactly." He snickered nastily. These would also be great for proof that he was holding her if Darkwing needed it. "Hasta la vista, idiot." He made a face at her before he left, taking some small joy in the fact that she couldn't even see it to react.

Beth squinted into the room, listening for any sign of Negaduck. He hadn't left, had he? He wouldn't just leave her without any way of getting around? What if someone came to the door? What if she was found by the police, or attacked by someone? What if- oh no- what if she had to go to the ... powder room? She blushed. "Negaduck? Hello?" No answer. She couldn't hear a sign of any presence. Her lower bill began to tremble, and even as she told herself that this simply wasn't very villainly, she found it hard to hold back the tears.

But wait! Was that a footstep? She was nearly sure it was! Was he coming back?

The footsteps continued, up the stairs, just outside the room, and then stopped. Beth squinted again, trying to get at least a semblance of the figure who was there. She was terrified that it wasn't Negaduck, and terrified that it was."Er... hello?" she said, meekly. Someone gasped. So there was someone there! They were just too far for her to see them.

Then, a high, young voice spoke. "Beth?"

Beth was shocked to hear her name spoken in a place like this. Even Negaduck didn't call her by her name. This voice was oddly familiar, but it very obviously wasn't Negaduck, and as far as she was aware, she simply didn't know anyone else! She took a few steps forward, squinting as hard as she could, and was finally able to make out a small shape topped with a shock of orangish-red.

The shape approached her of its own volition. "Beth, it _is_ you!" it said, in what was obviously a young girl's voice. "We've looked all over the place for you!"

"Really?" she said, not faking the surprise in her voice. "I've been right here!" She smiled, although the reason wasn't because she'd been 'found' by this mystery girl... but simply because an idea had just occured to her. One that she was certain Negaduck would respect, and one that she suddenly knew exactly how to execute. All she had to do was play along for a little while... and find that rope that Negaduck had left on the table.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the St. Canard museum, the security guard had been tied up and gagged. He was lying face down on the floor, afraid to turn over for fear that his captor was still in the room. He was all too familiar with Negaduck. Behind him, an explosion sounded. 

Negaduck stepped through the gaping hole in the wall as the smoke cleared. "More fun than a door," he said, looking around the room. He loved the museum- it was a perfect way to wind down. There were hundreds of priceless artifacts here, and what he didn't like was always easily destroyed. And boy, was he ever in the mood to destroy something.

He smashed a glass case with a crowbar, imagining that he was aiming at that stupid Webfoot broad. Man, she almost outdid the Fearsome Four for idiocy! ...Almost. She was a little smarter, in a way, but somehow she still irked him more than they usually did all together. Without thinking, he pocketed a gold bracelet with rubies set into it that had belonged to some Egyptian queen, and an ivory carving from the Orient.

This would probably attract Dorkwing's attention, too. Well, good! He was too sick of that stupid woman to even bother to waste the television scheme on her! It'd take too long, this way was a lot better. Yeah, sure. She sure was taking all the fun out of his evening. Where was that idiot do-gooder duck??

As if on cue, a heavily-echoed voice rang out through the wrecked museum. "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!" proclaimed Darkwing. His silhouette was barely visible through the smoke he was hiding behind. "I AM THE WINGED SCOURGE THAT PECKS AT YOUR NIGHTMARES! I... AM DARKWIIIIING DUCK!"

"'Bout time," muttered Negaduck impatiently.

"Negaduck! I should have known!" exclaimed Darkwing as soon as the smoke had cleared. Launchpad stood next to him in silence, looking doubtful.

"You mean you didn't? Looks like I overestimated you!" said Negaduck. "I would have figured you'd have guessed by now... Who else causes all this mass destruction, just for the sheer joy of it?"

"No time for trivialities! Suck gas, evildoer!" said Darkwing, producing his gas gun from the inside of his cape. Negaduck wasn't able to evade it completely, and it landed a few feet away from him and expunged a large amount of knockout gas at his feet. That idiot! He wasn't even giving Negaduck a chance to gloat about his hostage! At this rate, Negaduck was going to have to spit it out if he wanted to have the proper shock effect on Darkwing. Eh, besides, the quicker this was over with, the better. Of course, he'd still need some time to prepare before Darkwing showed up at the hideout, so he'd have to make sure he wasn't followed. As he used his cape to wave the gas away from him and back towards Darkwing, he looked above the spot where the crimefighter was standing. Hanging from the ceiling was another exhibit, one he hadn't noticed- a large model of a horse that was hanging in some sort of brace. Negaduck followed the rope from the brace along the ceiling. It led to a weird-looking machine that looked sort of like a crane, meant for transportation of large animals. The horse wasn't right over them, but a little maneuvering was all it would take. He identified the trigger that was keeping the rope taut, and then grinned. He took off his cape and waved it like a flag.

"Hey! Truce! Hold your fire!" he said.

Darkwing paused, his expression justifiably suspicious. "I find that a little hard to believe," he said cynically.

"Oh, why Darkwing, you wound me! And here I just want to talk to you about a mutual friend."

"...Mutual friend?"

"Truce?" Negaduck insisted craftily.

He saw Darkwing wince, then nod. "For now. Talk. What mutual friend are we talking about?"

"I think you know," said Negaduck snidely. He took out Beth's glasses and waved them slowly. "A lovely lady by the name of Webfoot.."

Launchpad's eyes went wide. "What have you done to her!?" Darkwing put a restraining hand on his sidekick's shoulder.

"Oh, nothing! Why, do you think I should?" Negaduck sneered. "She's in perfect health, I promise you! Although she's probably one of the single most irritating women I've met in my life, so that perfect health might not stay so perfect once I get back to her! Unless..."

Darkwing glared at him. "Unless...?"

"Oh, unless, of course, I could be persuaded not to hurt her... Say with the promise of a few thousand dollars to start with, and maybe a promise from a certain duck to keep outta my way from now on?"

"Never, you maniac! You think you can threaten me into letting you do whatever you want??"

Negaduck 'tsk'ed sadly. "Poor Beth. Do you know what she sounds like when she screams? Her voice gets really high, and it sort of cracks between two registers-"

"Stop! Please!" Launchpad yelled. "We'll do whatever you say, just please don't hurt her!"

"Is that a promise?" Negaduck looked shrewdly at Darkwing. Darkwing glared at him grimly, but after a moment of looking at the desperation on Launchpad's face he nodded.

Negaduck brought himself down to business. "Fine then. Meet me in two hours in the alley near the intersection of Cummings and Castellaneta. Bring ... let's say 50 thousand dollars to start with, and we'll talk."

"Where do you expect us to get that kind of money, Negaduck?" growled Darkwing.

Negaduck smirked at him in return. "You'll find a way," he chuckled. "Or else you- and Little Miss Bookworm Beth- will wish you had." He took a few steps back, and to the left. As he'd hoped, Darkwing and his idiot sidekick mirrored his movements. "Well," Negaduck said casually, "I've gotta be galloping along now." With that, he took out a revolver. Darkwing ducked instantly. Negaduck fired the gun...

And hit the trigger on the crane.

"_Hah_! Missed!" said Darkwing, sticking out his tongue. A whirring sound started above them, and a shadow that had been above them began to get larger and larger.

"Say hello to Mr. Ed for me!" said Negaduck, and watched the horse fall on Darkwing and Launchpad with a loud thud. Neither one moved. Negaduck looked at them both and started to laugh loudly. They were out for the count! Maybe he ought to give them an extra two hours along with the two he'd instructed... Nah. If they missed the deadline, he wasn't keeping Beth around any longer than he had to. He looked back at them over his shoulder as he left, still laughing. "Adios, suckers!"


	4. Act IV

Will the Real Beth Webfoot Please Stand Up?

* * *

Act IV

Beth sighed. "Ever since I met him, there's been something so familiar about him that I'm _sure_ we've met before! But I keep messing things up, and I can tell he's not sure he wants to be around me anymore." She shook her head and looked at the girl in front of her, ignoring the fact that she still could barely see her even at this close range. She smiled a little apologetically. "I guess it's just a matter of wanting to get back into his good graces, really. If I can just do one thing right, he'll come to appreciate me again. Or is that wishful thinking?"

"I think it is," said the girl. "I think it would be better if you-"

Beth shushed her. "No, no, don't speak. I've gone over all those options in my mind a thousand times, and I think it's best this way." She stood up, stretching. That rest had been needed- the girl was much heavier than Beth had expected her to be. And she'd been kicking so violently! "I am sorry about this, you know. I realize it's really incredibly rash of me, but... Well, then again, I guess a villain isn't supposed to apologize for things like that, are they? Hmm... Oh well." She grinned cheerfully and cocked her head. "How are you, there? Hanging on?"

"Oh, very funny, Beth," said the girl. "The blood is rushing to my head! Let me go!"

"It's supposed to do that, I think. When you're hanging upside down it always rushes to your head. It won't be for too long, so don't worry! Is that rope sturdy enough? It would be awful if it broke before we were ready, and you fell into the pit or something."

The girl was quiet for a moment, and then said a tad nervously, "Sure would..." She regained her former confidence as she said, "Beth, this is stupid! You're not supposed to be like this, can't you tell?? You're supposed to be a _good_ guy!"

Well, the idea did make sense. She seemed to have this very unvillainly habit of not wanting to make trouble. But if that was so, why had she held up banks before she lost her memory? Only a villain would do that. Beth waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, you'd say anything to save your skin." The girl sighed audibly.

"Beth-" she began.

"Boy," said Beth musingly, mostly to herself, "my secret identity must not have been very secret. _Everyone_ knows my name. Oh well!" She reached out and gave a push to the hook that the girl was tied to which swung her out over the vat that Beth intended to drop her into eventually. "Have a nice wait until Negaduck gets back, okay?"

The girl muttered, "Yeah... right," as she swung away from Beth.

* * *

Darkwing's back and side ached fiercely when he woke up. "A horse is a horse, of course, of course..." he mumbled, and shook his head. He looked to his left and noticed his sidekick... who wasn't moving. "Launchpad? Launchpad?!" He braced himself under the horse. Using all of his strength, he stood up and heaved the horse off of his body. There was a crash behind him, which sounded like at least five different things breaking, but he didn't turn around to see. Instead, he knelt down next to Launchpad. "Launchpad! Launchpad, speak to me!" He started shaking him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencin' a little bit of turbulence... Just hang on and we'll be makin' an emergency landin' in a second," said Launchpad clearly, with his eyes still shut.

Darkwing sighed and stopped shaking him. "_Launch_pad," he said impatiently.

Launchpad opened his eyes and looked up at Darkwing. "Oh, hi, DW. Gee, I was havin' the nicest dream... And you were there, and so was Gos, and Beth, and even Mr. McDee..."

"You can go back to Oz later, LP," said Darkwing, getting slowly to his feet and fixing his back with a loud crack!. "Right now, we've got to find a way to get that money together for Negaduck."

"Oh, yeah." Launchpad looked sullen.

Darkwing resolved to cheer him up. "Hey, don't worry! Everything'll be fine! We'll get her back!"

"I know," said Launchpad quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't keep an eye on her, DW. If I had, none of this woulda happened and we wouldn't have to pay Negaduck all our money!"

Darkwing grit his teeth together. "Well... you're right... _But_, then again, I could have done my part too. Besides, just because we're paying Negaduck the money doesn't mean we're actually _giving_ him the money!"

Launchpad blinked. "Uh... I don't follow ya, DW."

"We just need to make sure Beth is okay," said Darkwing with a grin. "We'll play along until then and pull out the aces when the time is right!" Launchpad cheered up, which made Darkwing feel better. He also felt a huge relief in knowing where Beth was, at last- even if she was in the clutches of a notorious supervillain.

When the chairs spun around back at home, Darkwing stood up instantly. "Gosalyn! I'm home!"

Launchpad stood up a moment later. "Maybe she's asleep."

"At this hour? Not likely." Drake called a little louder, "Gos! We're back! We haven't found Beth yet, but..." He grit his teeth. "I'm going to need your help!"

Silence.

Launchpad looked at Darkwing uneasily.

"That should have brought her running," said Darkwing. "No. Oh, no, not her too!"

Life was just not going well today.

* * *

Negaduck returned to find Beth gleefully waiting for him. "I thought I told you-" he began.

She waved her hands eagerly, interrupting him. "I know you told me to stay upstairs but I have something to show you! Guess what happened, guess what I did! Guess!!"

"You blew something up," he threw out at random.

With a giggle, she shook her head. "Oh, you're going to love it, it's such a villain thing!" She took him by his arm. He was disgusted, but allowed her to drag him unsteadily into the back part of the factory where all the equipment was. She flung her arms wide. "Voila!"

He stared for a moment, taking in the scene before him with growing contempt. "What... is _this_!?" he finally managed.

Beth cleared her throat. "Well... I captured a little girl, and I hung her upside down so that she couldn't escape, and... that's what we villains do, right? She's over a death trap! Isn't that right?" Her glee had dissolved into uncertainty, which was only intensified by the strange grinding noise that was coming from Negaduck. She had a strong suspicion that the noise was the sound of his teeth grinding together.

After a long moment, he turned to her and said quietly, "Several things to take into account."

She swallowed. "Um... yes?"

"First of all, what exactly is this going to benefit us!? You don't just capture some random girl and tie her up!! The only time you capture someone is to ransom them. Are you ransoming her? Do you even know who she _is_?"

She looked abashed. "Well... no.. Do you?"

"Yeah, but that's not the point. You can capture people at random but only if they've been snooping around and know your evil plans, got me? And even then, you don't put them in a death trap unless they're the heroes! What other kind of purpose would it serve!?"

"But... don't you sometimes just put people through horrible things for no real reason?"

Negaduck paused. "Well, yeah, but that's different with me. It relieves tension for me, and it's not like that for you." He gathered himself again, and took a breath. "Now for the more important part," he said, the anger in his voice clearly audible. "_Why_ did you put her over a tank of _Jello-O_!?!"

Beth blinked. "Jell-O? I thought they made something dangerous here, like glue or scissors or something!!"

"You nob."

She felt herself blushing, and began to get defensive. "W-well, you're the one who ran off with my glasses! It's not my fault I couldn't see!"

With that, he exploded. "I TOLD YOU TO STAY UPSTAIRS!! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO SEE!!! YOU- YOU ARE THE MOST INFURIATING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE!!!!" He threw her glasses at her, as hard as he could. They hit her forehead and bounced off.

"Ow!" she said, startled, and rubbed her forehead. Obviously afraid of stepping on the glasses, she took a small step forward and stooped to fumble on the ground for them.

Grumbling, Negaduck was leaving the room to find a blunt object to hit her with as she recovered her artificial eyesight. "Here they are," he heard her say. Morbid curiousity caused him to turn around. She stood up, still holding them, and walked through a wall. Or at least she would have walked through the wall if it hadn't been solid; as it was, she hit her head rather hard and fell over.

Negaduck laughed. "Hey, this is almost worth having you around. Later, losers!" He waved and walked out of the room.

Moaning slightly, Beth stood up again and shook her head gently, then finally put her glasses back on and looked up at her deathtrap. "Hey, Gosalyn," Negaduck heard her say. "What are you doing here?" He froze.

"Beth?" called Gosalyn, from where she was hanging over the Jell-O.

"Yeah? Hey, do you know why I'm dressed like this?" Negaduck ran back up the stairs and burst into the room. Beth jumped and turned, startled. "_Gos_! Tell me that's not Negaduck!" Gosalyn groaned.

Negaduck realized he'd have to tie her up for certain now. Then he got an idea...

* * *

"Do you really think Gosalyn and Beth are together, DW?" asked Launchpad.

"I'm sure of it, LP. It's Negaduck's style to keep something up his sleeves, and he must have known it would be easy for us to stop him on just a ransom case." Darkwing adjusted his infrared goggles and focused on the ground in front of the Ratcatcher. "Besides, _something_ obviously happened to her. She knows better than to stay out without calling when I'm this agitated."

"It's too bad Gosalyn's shoes don't leave infrared prints," Launchpad said.

Darkwing sighed and peeled the goggles off. "Tell me about it. I knew I should have taken Dr. Bellum up on that offer to implant her with a tracking device!" He checked his watch. "It's getting late, and we have to get the money together for Negaduck. Better head back, LP."

When they reached the house, they only had an hour until when Negaduck had instructed them to meet him. Darkwing headed straight for the phone. "We might as well get in touch with all the pawn shops," he said. "We're going to have to sell everything... Starting with this answering machine."

"That's funny," said Launchpad, peering at the blinking light. "We didn't have a message when we left!"

Darkwing slammed the phone receiver down and somehow managed to make pressing the play button on the answering machine look frantic. The tape hissed as it rewound, and then Gosalyn's voice began. "Hi, Dad. Before I go on, you have to promise that you're not going to ground me for going out against your will."

"Yeah, right," muttered Darkwing, rolling his eyes.

"I mean it, Dad," said the phone message. "I'm waiting!" This was followed by a five second pause, during which Darkwing crossed his arms and kept a stubborn expression on his face.

Finally he relented. "Oh, okay, _fine_! I promise, no grounding!"

"Okay, thanks." Darkwing shook his head. How did she _do_ that? The message continued. "I think I found Beth. I followed Negaduck to the empty Jell-O factory downtown, so if I haven't come back by now, that's where I am. If I have come back, and I'm listening to this message, I just want to say hi, Gosalyn! I'm speaking to me from beyond time!!"

"Okay, Gos, that's enough," said Darkwing reflexively.

The voice on the message sighed. "Fine, Dad. Killjoy. Anyway, that's all! Bye!" The message ended with a beep and a click.

Launchpad was the first to speak. "Y'know, DW... that was pretty weird."

Darkwing shook his head. "She's got me pegged. How embarrassing."

"So what'll we do?"

"What we always do, LP. Turn a hopeless situation into a fighting chance! We've still got just under an hour until we're due to meet Negaduck. If we work fast, we can still get the drop on him at his hideout... where he's least suspecting it!"

* * *

"You'll never get away with this, Negaduck!"

Negaduck growled. "Y'know, the worst part about being a villain is having to listen to the same old cliches day in and day out." He finished tying Beth's feet to the hook Gosalyn was attached to, and stepped back to admire his handiwork. "Ahhh, I am so good."

Beth flushed, although it may have just been because she was hanging upside down. "This is so embarrassing..." she mumbled.

"I mean it, Negaduck!" Gosalyn somehow managed to maintain her spirit, even though she'd been hanging from a hook for a good half hour now. "Darkwing will be here to rescue me any minute now! At least, that's assuming he remembers to check the messages this time..." Beth moaned softly. "You okay, Beth?"

"I'm dizzy," the other answered. "All the blood is rushing to my head."

"Sheesh! How d'you think _I_ feel??"

"Well, if Darkwimp Duck does show up, I'll just have to think up a good dessert trap for him, too!" said Negaduck almost eagerly. "In fact, there's always room for more in Jell-O..."

As if in response, a voice seemingly out of nowhere called out, "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE WHIPPED CREAM AND CHERRY ON TOP OF THE JUSTICE SUNDAE!! I... AM DARKWIIIIIIIING DUCK!!!"

"Told you so," said Gosalyn, and stuck her tongue out at Negaduck.

Negaduck addressed the puff of smoke that was filling the room. "Hold it right there, loser! You come any closer, and your friends are gonna need Cool-Whip for accessories!"

Darkwing stepped out of the clearing purple smoke, his gas gun held at the ready. "What's that supposed to mean? And aren't you even impressed that I found your hideout??"

"Aw, the brat told me she left a message," said Negaduck with a shrug.

Darkwing grit his teeth. "Rats."

"Getting back to the subject at hand..." Negaduck took a step back, and gestured towards his death trap. "Want to hear how it works?"

Launchpad's eyes widened. "Beth!" he called. "Hey, why're you dressed like that?"

Beth flushed, and while this time it might have been because she'd been hanging upside down for about ten minutes, it was actually more likely because she was still wondering about the answer to that question, herself. "Does _everyone_ have to see me like this?"

With a sneer, Negaduck said, "Allow me to answer that question. Your dear friend Beth just got through training as my accomplice." Darkwing and Launchpad gasped. Negaduck went on. "Yeah, I was pretty horrified, too. Well, despite her best efforts to do right by me, the little geek wasn't anything but a pain in the feathers. Until she gave me an idea."

"Beth! How could you?" Darkwing glared at her.

"But I- I didn't- I don't remember this! Honest!!" Beth wailed. "I just want to get down!!"

"Oh, quit whining," said Gosalyn irritably.

Negaduck ground his teeth. "Hey, care to pay some attention to _me_, here?! The guy with his finger on your fates??"

"Oh yeah."

"Sorry."

"You've got our full attention now."

He smirked. "That's better. Now, as I was saying, Miss Goody-Two-Shoes's idea was just plain dumb. Solid Jell-O isn't a threat, it's just a nuisance!"

Launchpad frowned. "I like Jell-O!" he said quietly.

"But here, we have a full vat of lukewarm Jell-O just waiting be solidified! The possibilities are endless! For instance, did you ever wonder how they get those stupid little grapes to stay in the middle of the Jello molds? Wanna find out?"

An expression of horror spread across Darkwing's face. "Let them go!" he cried. "Take me instead!!"

"Instead?" said Negaduck, amused. "Why should I take you instead, when I can get you all? There's a mousse machine right over there, and once you get to watch your friends go the way of all gelatin, it'll be your turn!" Negaduck laughed maniacally, and pressed a button on a control box. The crane that held the hook which Beth and Gosalyn were tied to sprang into life.

"Darkwing!!" shouted Gosalyn. "Help! I don't want to be encased in horse hooves!"

"Don't worry, Gos! It's just Jell-O!" Launchpad called back to her.

Negaduck looked at the moving crane with deep satisfaction. "It'll lower a few more feet, and then drop 'em on in! Then, that switch over there deep-refrigerates the mixture for a tasty treat!" Laughing, he turned just in time to see Darkwing grab something off of the ground. "You're too late!" he said. "You can't do anything to save them now!"

Darkwing desperately shoved the discarded wrench he'd picked up into his gas gun, then hastily aimed and fired at the switch. Negaduck laughed as the pellet bounced harmlessly off the top of the control box for the hook and crane mechanism. "Steeee-rike three!" he snickered.

"Not yet," said Darkwing. He watched as the wrench bounced off the top of the box at an angle, and flew across the room to ricochet again off of a pipe near the ceiling.

"This seems awfully familiar," muttered Beth as she followed the wrench's movements from her upside-down position. She squeezed her eyes shut as it became clear that the wrench was, yes, it was definitely heading in her and Gosalyn's direction. "Oh, not again! What, is my head magnetic or something!?" she cried, and winced in anticipation of the impact.

Fortunately, it turned out she really wasn't magnetic for anything except an enormous propensity for putting her foot in her mouth, as the wrench ended up going over her head and banking off of the hook she and Gosalyn were tied to. The impact caused the hook to swing to the side, and in a manner that couldn't have worked out better if Darkwing had planned it (and he would later claim that he had), the crane dropped its prisoners at the exact moment they were succesfully over solid ground.

Negaduck snarled. "No! _No_!! You can't have done that, you _can't_!!!" He started towards Darkwing, and was stopped when the wrench finally came to rest on his foot. With a scream, he hopped around the room as Launchpad ran to untie Beth and Gosalyn.

Darkwing shook his head. "And to think... I was just trying to shut off the controls," he mused to himself. To Negaduck, he proudly said, "Expect the unexpected from _Darkwing Duck_, Negs! Otherwise you'll just end up... heh heh... hopping mad."

Recovering from his injury, Negaduck pulled a gun out. "I should have figured that you had a deathwish," he said furiously. "Making puns like that one, you deserve this."

"Maybe I do," said Darkwing, "but so far, no one's gotten lucky enough to kill me! And I've learned to love this line of work!" He kicked Negaduck's legs out from under him, ruining Negaduck's aim again just before he fired. The gun fell out of his hands, and landed a few feet away from his outstretched arm. Darkwing stepped on Negaduck's arm and said, "I brought a friend."

He stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled, and a live horse came trotting into the room. It spotted Negaduck and whinnied happily, then launched itself into the air. Darkwing quickly stepped away, and Negaduck had time to mutter, "Oh, bugger," before the horse gracefully landed on the him. All that could be seen of him from under the horse was his arm, which had now stopped reaching for the gun.

"'Atta boy, Barney," said Darkwing. He patted the horse on the head and fed it a sugar cube.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay, Beth?" asked Launchpad. It had been a few days since the whole Negaduck debacle, and the doctor had given Beth a clean bill of health. She certainly had a bruise on her head, but no sign of concussion, and her amnesia was apparently entirely gone. Despite that, Launchpad had barely left her side the past few days. He walked with her on all her errands, and she had the strangest suspicion that he would carry her around if given the chance.

She smiled. "I'm fine. You don't need to dote on me this way, Launchpad. I'm sure you have better things to think about than me."

"Nah, not really," he answered. She smiled quietly, and blushed, but said nothing. He probably hadn't realized how sweet that sounded. "So, ya need me to go grocery shopping or anything for ya?"

"No, thanks. I've got enough food from my mother's care packages to last for a while." She rolled her eyes. "I should never have even told her about my head injury. Anyway, I just need to take out some money from the bank."

"Oh." Launchpad nodded. "Hey, ya know, the day you were missing they say someone came in and stole a bunch of money, and then just walked out, and they never found 'em!"

"Really?" Beth said, intrigued, as they came nearer her bank. "Wow. I can't believe someone would get away with something like that! They'd have to be a criminal mastermind! I mean, even Negaduck gets himself caught. And in broad daylight? Amazing!" She stopped outside the automatic teller. "I've had it up to here with going inside the banks to make withdrawals," she explained as she inserted the ATM card. Launchpad patiently waited, and they left a few moments later.

"Well, that's odd," she said as she examined her receipt while they walked home.

"Huh? What?"

She shrugged. "I just took out fifty dollars, and according to this my remaining balance is ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred fifty!" She laughed. "How weird! It must be a computer glitch or something!" Launchpad laughed as well. Then she crumpled the receipt up and tossed it into a trash can as they walked, not bothering to pause along the way.

* * *

© 1995, 1998 by R. L. Kelly. All characters © the Walt Disney Co. except Beth Webfoot, who is copyright the author. You may not distribute this story without author's permission. You may not copy, change or sell this story under any cirumstances. To obtain a free brochure on how to prevent amnesia-induced super villainy in your town, please contact the author.


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